□ The first advertisement against forced marriage appeared in Beijing subway, hoping to influence China with "one square meter area". The stereotype of "leftover women" is a cliche that women all over the world are eager to get rid of.
□ Seeing the anti-forced marriage advertisement designed by Miguo, my mother gave her crowdfunding money with one hand and poked at the table with the other, accusing her of being rebellious: "If you do such a thing, be careful not to be thunderstruck. Don’t let relatives know during the New Year, you will be killed!"
□ Wu Wen, who interviewed 30 blind dates, said: "All information is a condition. You find that a person has become a commodity with a QR code."
I came at the age of 26. Wu Wen’s anxiety followed. "You suddenly found that you can no longer call yourself in your early twenties." From that day on, marriage was her most important theme.
Miguo was 26 when the curse of forced marriage fell on her head. The mother anxiously questioned every male of school age around her, as if her daughter was a commodity that was eager to sell and was on the verge of overstocking.
The two girls also mentioned the significance of being 26 years old. Previously, Wu Wen and Mi Guo always met the definition of "good boy" — — Smart, clever, excellent grades. 26 years old is a gorgeous dividing line.
In 2007, the Ministry of Education listed "leftover women" as a new Chinese word, which broadly refers to single women over the age of 27. The latest national census shows that the average age of first marriage for women is 25 years old. The 26-year-old is sandwiched between the two, and he is a great young man who conforms to the traditional discipline. To take a step back is a social alien in everyone’s eyes.
In the reality outlined by the data of the civil affairs department, nearly 200 million singles are scattered in the crowd. A foreigner who has been to the blind date corner looks confused: "Is there so many missing people in China that it is necessary to concentrate on searching for you?"
Before the Spring Festival this year, China’s first advertisement against forced marriage appeared on the subway in Beijing. The slogan "Being single can be very happy" is more like a declaration of the times.
The Korean drama Descendants of the Sun, introduced by a video website, "tells a 35-year-old ‘ Leftover women ’ Looking for equal love ",the fire was in a mess. When it was updated to the eighth episode, it passed 800 million clicks and the monthly membership fee income was 250 million yuan. Someone analyzed, "The old Cinderella story is out of date, ‘ Leftover women ’ The story is encroaching on the screen inch by inch. "
Also competing for the screen with Descendants of the Sun is the second-shot video "Be Yourself" released by the British Embassy in China. A foreign girl said to the camera that Chinese should throw the words "leftover women" into the garbage dump of history.
"Dear Mom and Dad, don’t worry, there are many kinds of life, and being single can be very happy."
In the advertising history of China, no one can ignore this first anti-forced marriage advertisement with a width of 1m and a height of 1m.
In Dongzhimen subway station, the busiest transportation hub in Beijing, with a daily passenger flow of 100,000 and the highest advertising price, a poster appeared on the eve of the Spring Festival: the round-faced doll on the poster is smiling with great love, and love is a letter to parents. "Dear Mom and Dad, don’t worry, there are many kinds of life, and being single can be very happy."
The Anti-Forced Marriage Alliance decided to record people’s flow with calculators and watches before advertising in this subway station, and work out the best cost performance. They hoped to influence China with the "one square meter area" bought by crowdfunding for 38,000 yuan.
This group of netizens gathered from all over the world because of similar experiences has expanded from the initial "elders" to 101 members.
Miguo is one of the core members and the designer of the poster. She is 31 years old this year.
Before the arrival of the Spring Festival, she felt that there were endless strategies against forced marriage on the Internet. Searching online for how to deal with forced marriage, Baidu’s experience with detailed steps will appear on the homepage. Some people have summed up the methods of shirking responsibility, obeying the law, crying over one’s head, feeling dizzy under excessive pressure, pretending to be lovelorn and giving money to mom. Others taught you to ask your parents, has the stock gone up this year?
This kind of pain of forced marriage, Miguo has a deep understanding.
At the age of 26, Miguo’s mother, like a perceptive criminal policeman, investigated all the male friends around her. Every guest of the opposite sex at home will be checked; When she held an art exhibition, her mother paid attention to the "buddies" who came to pay tribute; Asking Miguo’s closest friend by innuendo, "Does she have a boyfriend?"
One by one, she searched for men around her for her daughter. Later, no matter what the other person looked like, as long as the door was right, she pushed it in front of Miguo and told her, "You can just look at one."
Miguo was furious, slapped the table and shouted, "Your daughter is not a pig!" "
If you are "cheated" into a dinner party, you find a boy and his family sitting opposite you. "I will either lift the table or slam the door and leave, leaving my parents with no face." Miguo’s thin arms are waving and her words are hard.
However, parents always think that age is the tight hoop on their daughter’s head, and they expect Miguo to live an "ordinary" life — — When I was a child, I followed the rules and didn’t fall in love early so as not to devalue in the future. After graduating from college, I got married quickly and didn’t rock the boat. After I got married, I gave birth to my child quickly, and then I could "complete a woman’s mission."
The reproductive age of women is the last line of defense for parents. Mother told Miguo more than once, "You are 28 years old. If you don’t give birth, you won’t be born."
This time, Miguo wants to turn what she wants to say to her mother into what she says to all the mothers in the world. So there is this letter-by-letter poster against forced marriage.
Mi Guo, who is plain, said that because of this poster, this is the most meaningful Spring Festival she has had in 31 years.
"Why did everyone rebound so much for forced marriage this Spring Festival? In Chinese and Western cultures, China is family-oriented, while the West is individual-oriented. Now many people have the idea of individual standard. Put personal happiness first, not for the benefit of the family, and obey and sacrifice personal happiness. " Sociologist Li Yinhe told China Youth Daily and Zhongqing Online reporter.
In the bustling Dongzhimen subway station, a tug-of-war is unfolding. 100 meters away from the anti-forced marriage advertisement, the staff of a dating website stayed there all the year round, holding leaflets and selling products to passers-by.
In the Spring Festival of 2014, the video of a dating website caused a shock: every time a young girl faced her elderly grandmother, her grandmother always repeated a sentence: "Are you married?" After several inquiries, the girl began to make up her mind that "I can’t pick it slowly" and chose to ask for help from this dating website. In the last scene, grandma was lying in the hospital bed with a nasal tube, and the girl was wearing a white gauze. She and a man went to grandma’s hospital bed and said, "Grandma, I’m married!" "
"I’m married!" It has become the ultimate victory of "leftover women"! A member of the Anti-Forced Marriage Alliance is very angry. "After watching this kind of advertisement, parents will have a story for the next forced marriage. ‘ You always say that on TV! ’” They hope to form a countervailing force and break the right to speak shrouded in capital. "Although hitting the wall with your fist may not help, at least you have this action." Mi Guo, a core member of this loose organization, said.
"Alas, I will be forced to get married again when I go home."
The advertisement of the anti-forced marriage alliance originated from a complaint during the Chinese New Year, "Alas, I will be forced to get married again when I go home".
"Traditional family concepts and social concepts are still weaving cages for women." Wu Wen said that at the age of 26, people around him seemed to have an appointment and attacked Wu Wen together. Even children would suddenly jump in front of her and ask with big eyes, "Sister, why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?"
When I came home during the Spring Festival, my grandmother was a little old and delirious. She would suddenly look at Wu Wen and cry: "You must get married early." He turned to Wu Wen’s mother. "Is your daughter married and didn’t tell me?" Then I repeated this question 30 times.
"At that moment, I felt sad, my grandmother was unconscious, and all the subconscious things came out." The white-collar worker who works in Beijing said.
Mother also began to "gently remind" and "actively inform" who gave birth to another child. When something in Wu’s home, which lives alone in Beijing, is broken and needs to be replaced, my mother in her hometown in the Central Plains always says, I’ll change it when I get married. Subconsciously, she felt that being single was an imperfect life and she had to make do with it.
In the eyes of parents, children work hard in first-tier cities alone, and they can find the right partner to "lean on", so life is not so hard.
Mi Guo, who worked hard with Wu Wentong in Beijing, felt the same way. After graduating from the Central Academy of Fine Arts with a bachelor’s degree, she chose to return to China to work after finishing her master’s degree in Australia. She rented a studio in Heiqiao Village, outside the Fifth Ring Road in Beijing. When she received the work, she earned tens of millions of dollars. When she was bleak, she had no income for several months. She learned how to break "a dollar into three flowers" from a small age.
What color to paint the walls at home and what pictures to hang in the room, Mi Guo believes that this can be listened to by parents. But what kind of life a person chooses is entirely his own freedom. Before deciding to live up to her parents, she must live up to herself.
At first, Miguo tried to tell her parents her innermost thoughts, but every time she tried to show her true self, she would "make them very sad".
My parents pointed at her angrily. "Why do you have to go against your parents?" They believe that marriage is the guarantee for the life of Miguo now and after aging.
"From the traditional point of view, I am a very unfilial daughter." She held a tissue and stopped for a long time. "I live very casually. It is most important to be happy, so my parents worry a lot."
Seeing the anti-forced marriage advertisement designed by Miguo, her mother gave her crowdfunding money with one hand and poked at the table with the other, accusing her of being rebellious: "You should be careful not to be thunderstruck, and don’t let your relatives know during the New Year, you will be scolded to death!"
This forced marriage is staged in many families with different plots. In the news, the single girl was forced by her mother to ask, "My dogs have given birth. Why are you still single?" There is also an aunt looking for a marriage website to "plan" an encounter for her daughter, which cost 68,000 yuan. Some parents were finally persuaded by their children. The next day, they talked with the square dance aunt, and the anxiety came again, and they were forced to get married again.
"I’m not a child." "As long as you don’t get married, my father won’t die." "Don’t be headstrong, pity inherit the wind." "If you really can’t find it, it’s a heart disease for the old couple." When I went home, these words came into the ears of single men and women like a barrage. Parents’ desire to carry on the family line and their worries about their children’s stable life have all turned into the command to urge marriage.
"All information is a condition, and you find that a person has become a commodity with a QR code."
Wu Wen, who was shot by the direction of "in the name of love and wrapped in honey", has been running wildly on the road of blind date.
Wu sometimes wonders that in the eyes of his parents’ generation, women always rely on the long-term meal ticket of "marriage", while the social evaluation of "meal ticket" is so single that it is almost only related to money.
In order to let Wu Wen get the "meal ticket" as soon as possible, the family began to introduce her to the object. Wu Wen "interviewed" 30 blind date targets for this purpose, always trying to find something more attractive to her than money.
If finding a marriage partner is an accurate matching of conditions, then the labels attached to Wu Wen are: Beijing hukou, house and car, stable job, master of a prestigious school, well-proportioned figure and fair skin.
In the routine of domestic film and television dramas, such a 28-year-old single woman usually goes back to an empty apartment on her birthday night, turns on the light, throws off her black high heels, pulls down the zipper of her tight skirt from behind, shakes the red wine in the goblet, turns on the sad Bruce in the stereo, and stands in front of the French window with a sad face, looking at the lights and crying silently: "Why am I still single?"
Wu no longer sits at home waiting for the right person on colorful auspicious clouds and the prince on a white horse, but arranges blind date and date every weekend. In the business circle covering an area of 210,000 square meters near her home, almost every place has left her dating figure.
When he met the "technical man", Wu Wenzheng was in a period of hesitation. "If you don’t know what you want, you will listen to your parents." Technical and scientific men belong to the "conditions" matching objects in parents’ eyes: graduated from prestigious schools, worked in central enterprises, saved money to buy a house in Beijing, and their parents have brothers and sisters to take care of them. As a result, this boy who was rejected by Wu Wen three years ago came back into her field of vision three years later.
They tried dating, but the boys were so boring that they spent 90% of their time talking about work.
Wu Wen is the kind of girl who likes watching plays and reading books extensively. I once chatted with a blind date of another central enterprise, and chatted and chatted. She began to talk about the reform of central enterprises and how to activate their creativity. The other party was stunned and didn’t say a few words. When she went home, she blacked her out and said goodbye: "I want to find a simple and relaxed girl."
"Maybe it’s a little deep," Wu summed up his experience. "I found it not very good to talk about work for the first time. I should talk about hobbies and hometown."
However, this technical man’s hobby is not good enough. Love becomes a topic of debate. Wu Wen snapped his fingers to find a reason to convince himself that although the technical and technical men are dressed in dirt, do not pay attention to image building, are dull and can’t chase girls, they are infatuated with themselves. "There should be no moths in the future."
But the confusion and dissatisfaction are all written on the face, especially after a thirsty and long-distance date. Wu Wen’s impatient expression "detonated" the technical engineering man. He "rubbed" and jumped up and left without looking back, leaving Wu Wen alone in the restaurant. In the evening, he found Wu Wen and asked for the Goldlion wallet he had given him before. Later, he came to apologize again, but Wu resolutely said goodbye to him.
Wu Wen’s blind date experience is like a tortuous novel, with highs and lows. When she made a blind date with a returnee with good "conditions", she watched the other party roll up spaghetti and blurted out foreign brands, and her "sense of superiority was gone".
"In the repeated shackles and shackles, it has become more and more calm." Wu Wen concluded by taking off his jeans, putting on his skirt and glasses, waiting for the A, B, C and D at the other end of the table.
At first, relatives who were far away in the Central Plains pulled layers of people to introduce her, and even touched her aunts and grandmothers in another city. My aunts and uncles enjoy collecting all kinds of information in the park. Take out the old-fashioned stationery with the name of the state-owned unit printed on the head, and record the name, age, income, parents’ work and telephone number. Sometimes I will annotate it. This one looks sunny and that one is tall.
"All information is a condition, and you find that a person has become a commodity with a QR code." Wu Wen said.
Later, she spent 999 yuan to register the dating website, and found that it was more like a stage set up with labels. The living people were condensed into age, occupation and income, and the price was clearly marked, and scammers were rampant. In the real society, people’s single standard and prejudice about "success" are reflected in the issue of marriage and love, and the number of times men are accosted is always proportional to their income.
"The anxiety of the older generation is caused by the social environment." Miguo also saw the single value orientation of the society. She hoped that the society could be more diverse, and choosing to be a courier would not make her family feel fall in price. "Don’t let money be the only standard.".
The word "leftover woman" is very bad in itself.
What makes Wu Wen even more angry is that society not only worships money, but also stigmatizes "leftover women".
In a popular cartoon of "leftover women", a woman looks at a birthday cake with a candle with "27" on it melting. The woman wears wide-brimmed glasses to show that she has a good education; She stood behind with her face twisted, covered with cobwebs, surrounded by messy pens and notebooks; There is thick snow on the roof outside the window, and the smoke from the chimney forms an "embarrassing" word, which looks like a bitter gourd face.
This woman is like a young version of the famous old maid Miss Havisin in Charles Dickens’ novel Great Expectations. The words above her head are: "I don’t even think I have grown up yet, but I accidentally became ‘ Leftover women ’ 。”
“‘ Leftover women ’ It is a discriminatory term in itself, and the society still does not realize the discriminatory nature of this term. I think it is very bad. " Media person Luo Beibei said that she recently pushed an article with a reading of 100,000+,entitled "Why don’t I like watching domestic fashion dramas?" Because no matter how good the heroine is, she will be forced to get married.
"I hope society will take off colored glasses." She takes the entertainment circle as an example. "Single actresses such as Ruby Lin, Lin Chi-ling, Shu Qi, etc. will be repeatedly discussed by the media whether to get married; A male star who is a golden bachelor will not be concerned about this matter. "
Faye Wong, 47, was criticized for falling in love. Maggie Cheung, 50, said: "Asian women are particularly concerned about being old, but not in France."
"In Hungary, only 12% of people choose to get married, so the married people are different. In northern Europe, singles account for half of the population, so the married half is ‘ Leftover women ’ Or are the unmarried half leftover women? ‘ Leftover women ’ The word itself is very bad. " Li Yinhe said. In northern Europe, marital status even has a column of cohabitation. Cohabitation is not protected by law, and children born in wedlock have the same rights as those born out of wedlock.
But in distant Asia, it is sensitive to put forward the word "anti-forced marriage". Miguo’s previous version of the anti-forced marriage advertisement was even sharper: the blue-haired girl with a cold brow raised her arm above her head and made a big x, which read four big characters: forced marriage and separation. The "forced marriage" on the T-shirt was also painted with a red X. On both sides, it says "I am the master of my life, so don’t force marriage this year" or "Respect the autonomy of marriage, and force marriage to be a hooligan".
"Everyone thinks that forced marriage is like a monster. No matter how you fight, you can’t die. I hope this spell can ‘ piu’ Dispel the monster. " Mi Guo said.
But it failed the review. Beijing’s industrial and commercial department does not allow the word "forced" to appear in the first edition of posters on the grounds that it will remind people of uncivilized terms. The members of the alliance discussed simply changing it to "don’t rush marriage", but it still failed because "it will have a bad influence".
What is a "good influence"? The British Embassy in China has adopted a more moderate approach. They launched a series of activities called "Be Yourself" throughout March, hoping to help women challenge the stereotypes about gender roles.
In the promo, Yan Wanjie, deputy country director of the United Nations Development Programme, said that stereotypes like "leftover women" are cliches that women all over the world are eager to get rid of. No matter whether it is social stereotypes about women’s marriage, children or other stereotypes, they are all shackles they want to break.
Also causing discussion is the speech of Hermione. On July 7, 2014, Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson, who came out of Harry Potter, was appointed as a global goodwill ambassador by UN Women’s Agency. Her speech on gender equality was followed by more than 6,000 people in Zhihu.
"Both men and women can be sensitive, and both men and women can be strong. It’s time to understand gender as a spectrum, not as two factions. " Emma said.
Wu Wen also feels the same way. "Our society has developed so much that women’s education level has been continuously improved, but society has not provided a respectful, pluralistic and free choice environment for women."
Britain, where there are no "leftover women", has also experienced the era of turning unmarried women into "goods that can’t be sold on the shelves". But now, in order to help the victims of forced marriage, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of the Interior jointly established the Forced Marriage Unit in 2005, and the protected objects are mainly about 20 million Asian immigrants. Jeremy Brown, the British Minister of Home Affairs, once publicly stated: "Forced marriage is a destructive form of abuse, which is absolutely unacceptable in our society today."
After urging marriage, it was born again.
Wu still learns how to marry himself, but not just to get rid of the label of "leftover women".
After failed blind dates again and again, she downloaded books such as Love Collection, Dating Bible, Facing Men and so on on kindle. As the book says, she talks as little as possible when she meets for the first time, creating mystery; Try to give praise and affirmation to each other at the right time; She joined the matchmaking meeting between big enterprises and took the initiative when she met someone she liked.
She met all kinds of people, and some people complained to her why she was always given a good card, and it was more difficult to find a girlfriend than to ascend to heaven; Some people want to hold hands after seeing each other several times, and they are eager to determine the relationship after knowing each other for a month. They also accuse her of "obviously coming on a blind date, how can it be so?"
This girl who is used to being excellent all the way suddenly becomes a "poor student" before marriage. As described in that cartoon, this group is not a minority.
Li Yinhe attributed the reason to the lack of love education in schools and families. "Should let them read some novels, will have a yearning for love. Now the goal is to get into a good university and find a good job, which is the whole meaning of life. But the education of love is often lacking. Many people in their twenties are not in love, and they may not even have a yearning for love. How can you meet love? "
Wu Wen learned how to "meet with love" and became calm after one interview after another. "Finding an object is like an exam. Can you get high marks by handing in your papers first?" This is a lifetime thing, the score is given by myself, and there is no 100% correct answer. " The ability to learn to love is more important to her.
Miguo finally "handed in the paper" first. She got married at the age of 28, with her underground boyfriend who had been in love for many years.
Mother was against it at first, and the gap between the two families was too big. "One is in the northernmost part and the other is in the southernmost part." My husband’s old home is in a small town in the northeast, and Miguo was born in Xiamen, and his family immigrated to Australia. After two years of marriage, the two parents met for the first time. Up to now, none of them have spent the Spring Festival together after their marriage.
"disaster." Recalling the first meeting between the two parents, Miguo blurted out these two words.
"My mother wanted to find the right person at first, but then she saw that I was going to be 30 years old, and I couldn’t be born soon. It’s better to be born than not." Miguo’s mother found her underground boyfriend to show her cards and said, "You two get married."
"It seems that God has given a big gift." Although Miguo always thinks that marriage is heavy, if she is "jumping into the fire pit" with her lover at that time, she is willing to try.
The urging of marriage finally came to an end, but it was followed by "birth".
Miguo doesn’t want to have children at present, on the grounds that if the new life is a girl, she may not be treated gently by this society. Like a machine gun, she "clicked" and asked a bunch of reasons. She was afraid that one day the child would ask her in the same tone: "Why don’t I have long legs, why my legs are not thin enough, why can’t I fit into that small skirt, is my ass too big, and is my chest not big enough?"
"This is not the child’s fault." Mi Guo said that if our generation does not overthrow some things, there will be no progress and change in this society.
But these ideas are still not understood. Miguo remembers walking in her garden in her pajamas when she returned to her parents’ house during the Spring Festival. Neighbors pushed the door and entered, and the first thing they saw was "Oh, come back." Then the second sentence is "Alas, where is your stomach? How is it flat? "
Followed by a string of words like "Give birth to a baby quickly and keep company with our baby", Miguo was very angry. "Even a neighbor can accuse me!" She joked that it is difficult to sincerely bless the arrival of a new life now, and even seeing children in the hospital will feel pressure. "I am distorted now, but I am really forced by society."
The day of the conflict broke out at 11 o’clock in the evening. Miguo and his mother once again had a big fight about having children. Miguo rushed to the kitchen and picked up the kitchen knife trembling. "I especially hate the uterus, which brings such a big shackle to women." She raised a knife and stabbed herself in the stomach.
(Reporter Yang Jie Intern Xu Wei also contributed to this article)
